Saturday, March 20, 2010

Back off!

So check this out. There are certain rules that apply to the men’s bathroom. This is for those of you who aren’t aware. These rules are “unspoken” rules.

First of all, when a man enters the restroom, NO TALKING ALLOWED!!! I’ll talk shit to dudes if they’re my good friends, but if I don’t know the dude who’s urinating next to me, I’m not trying to have a dick-in-hand conversation.

There’s the type of guy who comes in the restroom when I’m taking a leak and he’s trying to get close. It’s not a sexual thing; it’s not even a gay thing.

Here’s a scenario: I enter the bathroom and hold the door for a coworker. I don’t know the guy, so I don’t wanna talk to him. Courtesy is my only intention. In this particular bathroom, there are three urinals. Again for the sake of courtesy I take the one on the right which is lower to the floor, and designed for a shorter man. I take aim and am prepared to let loose when all of a sudden this guy steps to the middle urinal! What the fuck?! Get outta here ya creep!! These are the thoughts racing through my head as I hold my composure trying to keep a straight face, desperately trying to squeeze out even a drop to combat my now shy bladder.

Then it happens.

“Boy, thank goodness it’s Friday, huh? T.G.I.F. Ha ha!”

“Huh. For sure.” I respond awkwardly. In my head I’m yelling at him “Thank God it’s - FUCK OFF SO I CAN PEE!”

So it’s like this. If there are three urinals, stay away from the middle one. I’m not gonna get into the ones that don’t have partitions. That’s a whole other “What were the builders of this establishment thinking?” type of discussion.

I could go on for days about this stuff, but I just wanted to get this item out. The Men’s room is not a place to meet new people and make new friends!


- Eric Was Here -

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